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This May Be Limiting Meaningfulness in Your Relationships

When we evaluate Samson’s life, we can quickly conclude that he had a problem saying “no” to his desires. When he became attracted to someone, all of his common sense went out the door. Overcome with lust; he repetitively pursued his fleshly desires. Ultimately, the enemy used this weakness to destroy his life.

The Book of Judges reveals that Samson entered three significant relationships over the course of his lifetime. Each time, the women were not right for him or a part of the plan God had for him. Yet, Samson ignored the Nazarite covenant and his parents' wise counsel. Instead, he entered into each relationship based on personal attraction and lust – living in the mindset “what I want I get.” Samson was determined to have his way no matter how foolish and destructive his choices were!

I’m willing to bet that you know people just like Samson. People who are attraction-driven and act on lust more than wisdom. Maybe you’ve looked at this person and thought to yourself or even voiced your opinion, “What are you doing? This is not the right relationship for you!” But your concerns fall on deaf ears, just like the pleas of Samson’s parents to him.

Maybe I should also ask, are you “Samson”?

Regardless, the problem is that these attractions can enter into one's heart, becoming more important than the relationship the person has with God. And when someone is more interested in what he is attracted to than what God is calling him to, he will settle for less. As a result, romance starts to look like love falsely, and sex becomes more important than a meaningful relationship.

Our world’s obsession with romance and sexual activity can be seen as an addiction. And addiction can make us do things we wouldn’t normally do, as we don’t realize how immature our actions are becoming. However, in an article for Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology journal, authors explain a difference between MATURE and IMMATURE love.

  • Immature love “is typified by power games, possessive thoughts and behaviors, obsessive concern over the partner’s fidelity, ‘clinging’ tendencies, uncertainty, and anxiety.” (1)

The rush of fleshly romance can be similar to an addict's reaction to their drug of choice. Researchers James Burkett and Larry Young write,

“At first, each encounter was accompanied by a rush of euphoria—new experiences, new pleasures, each more exciting than the last. Every detail became associated with those intense feelings: places, times, objects, faces.

Other interests suddenly became less important as more time was spent pursuing the next joyful encounter. Gradually, the euphoria during these encounters waned, replaced imperceptibly by feelings of contentment, calm, and happiness. The moments between encounters seemed to grow longer, even as they stayed the same, and separation came to be filled with painful longing and desire.” (2)

Is that quote about romantic love or about taking a drug? (3)

Both substance abuse and romantic relationships light up the same area of the brain. Of course, there are differences between these two things, but most simply, they both work like a reward system. That is why the attraction becomes something you crave, and it starts to rule and own your heart, even when you may realize it’s not right. You may be telling yourself, I know I don't want to be on this path. I know I should have dealt with this issue a long time ago… but it feels like an addiction. This is a tactic of the enemy! He wants to prevent you from having meaningful relationships in your life. He wants to keep you stuck in the cycle of attraction and lust.

When we pursue unhealthy connections in unhealthy ways, we are prone to abusing and mistreating the objects of our affections. This behavior then prevents us from ever stepping into meaningful relationships with others.

Samson struggled with this his whole life because he never gave his heart to God before giving it to someone else. Because of this, he made one foolish decision after another based on attractions and lust. As a result, he never got his relationship with Heaven straight, so it caused him issues with all of his earthly relationships… and it ultimately cost him the power of God in his life and the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

This scenario is not God’s plan for anyone. That’s why it is so important that we give God our whole hearts from the beginning.

Have you given God your whole heart?

Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment.” -Matthew 22:37–38 (NKJV)

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1) Earp, Wudarczyk, Foddy, and Savulescu, “Addicted to Love”.

2) James P. Burkett and Larry J Young, “The behavioral, anatomical and pharmacological parallels between social attachment, love and addiction.” Psychopharmacology vol. 224,1 (2012): 1-26.

3) Earp, Wudarczyk, Foddy, and Savulescu, “Addicted to Love”.


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